Week 17: Relaxation and Catch-up

Sixteen weeks of Hyperliving have now concluded and I am finally on vacation. Not from Hyperliving, of course, but from my "real job"--my first vacation of any sort since Christmas.

I definitely need some rest from the breakneck pace of late, so I've decided that this week's Hyperliving is going to be to relax as much as I can and, more importantly, to complete the two Hyperliving weeks that I didn't quite complete: Week 8, Beck, and Week 9, Thank-you Letters. I will finally finish these two tasks this week and come back with the next month of activities at the end of the week.

Also, since I've just lost my computer, it means that I've lost my Hyperliving masterlist of ideas. Seriously. I have a lot of them in my head, but I will mention at this time that I'm again soliciting suggestions from anyone out there, so let me know via comments or email whatever's on your mind.

cheers,
JB

Week 9/10: Still Coming / Just Starting

Beck isn't done. Still working. Re-writing, listening, re-writing. Coming along sooon.

Thank you letter week begins this week. Started but didn't finish my letter last night. Will finish that one and another tonight. Will post more. Will continue Beck. Will attempt to manufacture time for sleep prior to enforced sleeping week next week.

experiencing difficulty combining life development and hyperliving. david zach is laughing/smiling/doing what adults do when they "know better than the kids."

rah rah rah.

-JB

Week 8...more running: "I got to holla at Master P, cuz we got money to make"

This was the alternate cover to Bonnie Prince Billy's Master and Everyone

Still running. No dog today, but for the first time I truly felt great out there and felt like I was, for at least a bit, beginning to approach "fast" again. Though I did think to myself at one point, "Dude, you have gone a LONG way away from being someone who could say 'I'm an ex-crosscountry runner and have it mean something.'" Anyway I continue forward in hopes that one day I might be able to fit into that precious marigold Betsy Johnson gown.

Week 8, Day 8---More Running: "U know that I'm a little bit more than curious"

I think I may have found the recipe for running success: a new partner.

I've been looking for a running partner ever since I quit cross-country in high school and stopped running with Tim Oakley and Mike Hiscox. I know that more than many people I thrive off the inspiration/motivation generated by running with others--basically I need the shame of potential failure to keep me moving--and one of the big reasons I've struggled so much in my feeble attempts at "starting to run again".


A post-run beer (this is the difficulty presented in living with men and running after work)

Unfortunately, none of the partners I have attempted to work with over the past few years have quite worked out. Maybe I don't know how to look, but it hasn't seemed easy finding someone who wants to run the same general speed, amount of distance, and times of day--let alone also living nearby where it works conveniently and reasonably (outside of certain organized sports, I'm not generally interested in the idea of traveling across town just to exercise--though, admittedly, i'm not really interested in the idea of general exercise either).

But really, I know that exercise won't start becoming better until I get myself someone to run with. I mentioned my dilemma to my friend Sooooooz today and she had a brilliant idea: "You should run with E-bad's dog,"


This is the one time I've ever seen him not running in circles

Admittedly, E-bad herself had suggested this to me already, but before I'd started running, and at the time I had thought that a) I could run on my own and b) I wasn't sure I could handle running with a dog. But sure enough, I went out there today with Weegee, Captain of Dog Pirates, and it was really great. It got a little dicey when we got too near McCarren Park and he decided that we needed to stop running and go to the dogpark, but after i'd dragged him enough blocks away we got back on pace and things went well from there. We'll see how it goes tomorrow but I think i might have found the right match.

Week 8, Day 6: "I flayed your flesh with my thoughts"

After yesterday's shittiness, I got back out there and ran again today.


I always look very serious after a run, perhaps because I am hating myself.

I really HATE running. I keep thinking it's eventually going to become fun, and it even seems like it might be "good" and "invigorating" right before I get out there, but by about three minutes in I realize it's only going to be torture and I will pray and beg myself for the moment that it is all over.

Even harder still is doing it by myself. I've never "been able to" run by myself, as when I was a runner in the past, it was through cross-country; since then, i've only "started running again" when nearby friends have wanted to start together. For various reasons though, that too has never worked out either. The one exception to this all was the last semester of my senior year in college, when I took a one credit "self-guided fitness class" so that I could graduate. There I always worked out alone, either by running outside or working on the bike, but looking back I feel like my efforts weren't very strong.

I don't abhor the concept of physical activity, at all--I love playing competitive team sports like basketball, softball, or even badminton/croquet/rounders--but I do just feel completely unable to get behind exercise for the sake of exercise. I was talking about it this week and related how there are plenty of boring/unenjoyable tasks I can get into without much bother, like washing the dishes or scrubbing the bathtub, but I just can't seem to imbue running or gym-ing with the droning take-me-away repetition necessary. Instead my mind spends every minute reminding me how much I hate what I'm doing, how out-of-shape I am, how much I desperately wish I was anywhere else but there, on the road, running. Bleh.

Above all, the pain I endure while running is uncomfortable to me because it seems to epitomize most strongly the peculiar basis of most every "let-down failure" of my life: something I should (eg "have the skills to") be good at, brought down by not quite enough intrinsic motivation, terrible self-discipline to will success, and flaky stamina/focus (the lack of self-discipline contributing to this weakness of course). Every time I get out there I think about the day I quit running cross-country and the strange journey I've taken ever since. I hope that someday things will not be the same.

For running I had no hiphop today. "Rock for Winter" mix instead. A Certain Ratio (Eno reference) doing "Do the Du" (dancer....?):

I've decided to extend this week's Hyperliving into next week, because I really need to keep making myself do this and I'm not ready to stop.

Week 8, Day 5: No One Called Me A Failure (Except Me, Constantly)

I didn't run on Friday. Stayed up late on Thursday and planned to run after work on Friday, but instead sister came to town, (we) got a haircut, went out to dinner, and then hung out with friends for a bit. Felt pretty guilty but it was late enough that, well, it was too late.


Pirate School - No One Called You A Failure (courtesy of Imanant)

Week 8, Day 4 of Running: "Runnin' like I got bears on me / My Timb's start feelin' like they Nike Air's on me"

For the first time this week, I actually felt good during (part of) my run tonight. Maybe it was cause it was the first time I'd ran at night, or maybe (maybe) my body is actually loosening up a bit and beginning to expect that it just might not go another 4 months between exercise again. Crazy, I know. I did notice while doing pre-stretching tonight that I was already having an easier time touching my toes than I had on Monday, so I dunno.



And just as my energy began to wane, I was treated by "Run" by my man Ghost.

Week 8, Day 3 of Running: "Ima Volcano Filled Wit Lava Bout To Erupt"

running sucks.



Also, this is hilarious:

Week 8, Day 1 of Running: "Smokin' dope, loadin' bullets in my clip for you / I ain't even wipin' my sweat, it's keepin' me cool"

This is what a tired and out of shape idiot who slept in his contacts looks like after his first 30 minute run in two months (and fourth run in six months).


Note weary and reddened left eye, dried and destroyed by contact non-removal.

I will say though that starting one's day at 6:30 a.m. by listening to "Mac 10 Handle" by Prodigy (Mobb Deep, not the "Firestarters") is a hell of a way for a King Cracker to get things going.



love,
Jeffrey

[NOTE: MY LAWYER SUGGESTS THAT I INSTRUCT YOU THAT IN REALITY I NEITHER "SMOKE DOPE" NOR "LOAD BULLETS IN MY CLIP"]